Can I tell you about THE worst coffee chat I’ve ever been on? (That makes me hesitant to ever get on any kind of networking call to this day!) I was introduced to someone through a mutual connection I genuinely liked and trusted and had known for a while. It was an easy yes to hop on a call with this person. But about 10 minutes in, it became obvious they were NOT there to connect. They were qualifying me for an offer. (Two thumbs way down.)
When I said “hey, not interested,” they dug in and kept going. And when they realized I was NOT into their program… they told me they were my mutual connection’s coach — and …wait for it!… proceeded to pitch me that person’s program.
Freaking gross.
And more than that, it permanently broke my trust with both people involved. What was pitched as an aligned introduction was ultimately a sales call in disguise. Coffee chats are not — and should not ever be — sales calls.
If you’ve ever had that happen to you, or (more importantly) if you’ve ever worried you might be accidentally doing that to someone else, I’m going to walk you through the exact 4-part system I use to build business relationships without it feeling like a transaction. It’s a human-first method *cue the sigh of relief*.
It’s called my CARE framework, and by the end of this post you’ll know exactly how to use it — including the weekly, monthly, and quarterly habits that actually make it work.
Quick answer if you’re skimming: Networking as a woman entrepreneur works best when you stop thinking of it as networking and start thinking of it as relationship marketing. The CARE framework — Connection, Attention, Resources, Elevation — is a four-part system that replaces transactional networking with long-game relationship building rooted in generosity.
Why a Lot of Networking Advice Doesn’t Work for Women Entrepreneurs
There’s way too much “networking advice” out there that’s driven toward selling. (Spoiler alert: networking and selling aren’t the same thing! And if you disagree, feel free to X out of this article, because you’ll only wind up hate reading from here 🤣)
This type of advice built on the idea that you’re a stranger who needs to turn strangers into customers as fast as possible. Think: quick intros, elevator pitches, then ask questions that are designed to qualify (like you would in a discovery call) so they can lead into “omgosh ya know what?! [*feigning disblief*] I actually LOVE helping my clients with this exact thing, let me tell you about my offer!!! [Bulldozes into unwanted, nonconsensual sales pitch, womp womp].”
So in other words: coffee chats with an ulterior motive. All of it optimized for speed over substance.
Girl bye.
That approach doesn’t work well for anyone, and I say this vehemently because I ONLY practice and teach consent-based sales. This especially doesn’t work for women entrepreneurs who tend to (a) build businesses on trust and referral-based revenue, and (b) naturally resist the transactional vibe of traditional networking because — same as the rest of us — when someone’s teeing up a pitch on them, they can feel it from a mile away.
Here’s what I actually believe: people are the most powerful asset in your business. I say this as someone who loves funnels and loves ads and frequently preaches the importance of messaging and frameworks because they are the entire foundation of your sales and marketing assets. But they’re not your most powerful assets — those would be PEOPLE!
Why? Relationships are the only asset with a heartbeat, and the ROI compounds the longer you invest in them 🥹
So the question isn’t “how do I network more?” The question is: how do I build genuine relationships that, over time, turn into the referrals, the opportunities, the collabs, the deals, and the friendships that make this whole crazy business thing worth doing?
That’s what CARE is for. Let’s get to it!
What is the CARE Framework for Relationship Building?
The CARE framework is a four-part system for networking that is rooted in being willing to play the long game in business relationships — so there’s nothing transactional or sleazy about it. CARE stands for: Connection, Attention, Resources, and Elevation, and each pillar has its own purpose and its own practical mechanics.
Quick overview of how it breaks down:
- C — Connection: Intentionally initiating relationships rooted in curiosity rather than transaction
- A — Attention: Staying attuned to your people and showing them that they matter beyond the moment you met them
- R — Resources: Giving generously and being a resource to others without any expectation in return
- E — Elevation: The compound effect of the first three pillars — where your relationship reputation becomes its own marketing
Each pillar does real work on its own. Together, they create the kind of business relationships that generate referrals years after you did anything that felt like “work” to earn them.
Okay, let’s break each one down!
C is for Connection: How to Initiate Relationships Rooted in Curiosity
Connection is the act of initiating a relationship where you’re actually interested in the person — not in what they can do for you.
It sounds obvious. It isn’t. Most entrepreneurs are taught to approach every new person as a potential customer, referral, or lead. Which means every first conversation is already colored by an agenda, even if you don’t realize it’s there.
My entire relationship marketing strategy is about: investing more time in other people, leading with curiosity around who they are, leading with curiosity around what they’re looking for, leading with curiosity around what they want… and then figuring out how we can show up for THEM. So the big takeaway here is: CURIOSITY is the key to connection!
This is the foundation of building relationship capital… and I love that for you.
The long-game paradox
Here’s the thing that trips people up. This way of building relationships isn’t for anyone expecting super quick ROI. If that’s what you’re after, you’re probs going to hate this, or at the very least, not stick with it.
But — and this is the important part — the paradox here is that the people who are more willing to play the long game are probably going to have the best luck at finding traction sooner. You just don’t want to expect it.
Think about it this way: it would not be an ideal plan to expect to start dating with the intention of being married in the next 2-3 weeks, right? It COULD happen (lol), but it’s not something you can (or would want to) rush. Business relationships are the same.
When you invest in the stock market, you know you have to continue to put more money in if you want to see big returns, and eventually it’ll start to compound. Same concept.
How to actually do Connection
Connection isn’t complicated, but it does require a mindset shift. The shift is:
From “how can you help me?” → to “how can I help you?”
That’s it, that’s the move.
Be strategic about where you put your energy, absolutely — you don’t have to pour yourself into every relationship that crosses your path. But when you’re in conversation with someone new, your job is to be curious about them, their work, their priorities, and what they’re actually trying to figure out. Not to angle toward what they can do for you.
You might not win the quickest. But I’d virtually guarantee you’ll be the one winning the longest.
A is for Attention: How to Stay Attuned to People Long-Term
Attention is the part where too many people go sideways.
They have really good intentions. They show up in the rooms, they ask the questions, they’re willing to hop on networking calls and coffee chats and all the things… and then they ghost the minute the chat is over. (As we say here in Michigan: OPE! 🤦🏼♀️)
Here’s the key:
Attention is the act of staying attuned to your people and showing them that they matter beyond the moment that you met them.
Where you use attention by following up and following through for folks, you create trust — and trust is what turns conversation into collaboration, clients, and community. This is the stuff that is wildly unsexy on paper and absolutely priceless in practice.
The people who feel like they’re always “starting from scratch” with relationships are almost always the ones who are amazing in the moment… and absent afterward.
Yall, it only works if you work it.
What Attention looks like in practice
Attention is not about being everywhere for everyone (that’s exhausting just thinking about it). It’s about choosing where you want to be present, and then following 👏🏼 through 👏🏼 on that presence.
The way it works in real life is by developing a relationship system instead of trying to keep it all in your head. Whatever feels workable for you — this doesn’t have to be a strict thing. Whatever simple tools help you stay in touch consistently with people.
For me, that looks like having a relationship tracker (and, ya know… actually using it 😆).
Here’s the rhythm I recommend, broken down by cadence:
Weekly: An outreach or generosity hour
Literally set aside sixty minutes one day per week to text or DM people, check in, say hi, send encouragement, see what they’re working on. Stay present, stay top of mind.
Go a step further and ask the people who are most important to you if they need anything you might be able to help with. (Hence the generosity hour.)
One hour, once a week. I typically do this right at the top of my day on Fridays because I technically don’t work on Fridays, so I have very little else to distract me. It’s so simple, but most people won’t do this… and I highly recommend you do!
Monthly: Your biggest opportunity follow-ups
Take a pass through recent conversations and ask yourself, “where is there potential for a collaboration, or more visibility, or some kind of deal flow, if I just push this forward a tiny bit?”
If you do sales calls or work with clients, do this with them too. Some of your warmest relationships are already in your pipeline — you just haven’t given them attention in a while.
Quarterly: Personal macro outreach
This one is a bigger lift but it very well will land hardest… and this is why it’s only quarterly.
First, I’m a big fan of doing a relationship newsletter to your referral partners. If this would come easily to you, by all means bump it up to monthly or bimonthly. Note that when I say ‘newsletter,’ I don’t mean add people to your email list without their consent (the irony). I mean: open gmail, write a draft that’s mostly a template but has space to insert some personal items based on to whom it’s being sent. Then open up a new message, and send the template to each individual person with personal deets filled in.
Next: keep a running list of potential partners that maybe don’t make sense to chat to monthly, but absolutely are worth continuing the relationship with. Ask those folks to a quarterly coffee date!
Lastly, and this is the biggest lift: handwritten notes. I know a stack of handwritten notes is a big ask, but handwritten notes are such a lost art and they land hard because nobody does them. If you have access to people’s snail mail address, this is a WOW FACTOR. Seriously.
Annually: A relationship audit
Once a year, sit with these questions:
- Where do I want to spend more time?
- Who do I want to spend more time with?
- Where am I pouring into relationships that aren’t going anywhere?
- Where can I see that long-game payoff if I keep tending it?
The annual audit is how you make sure your Attention is going toward the people you actually want in your business life five years from now not just the people who are loudest and most visible to you this month.
R is for Resources: How to Give Generously Without Burning Out
Resources is the pillar where your relational equity gets built. (Yay!)
The purpose of this one is to give generously and be a resource to others without any expectation in return. Resources are how you create relational equity, just like you would build equity in your house — because remember that relationships are human capital.
When you share what you have — your insight, your connections via introductions, your time, your perspective, your experience — you are literally depositing into the relationship bank. Sometimes that looks like offering a tiny piece of strategic guidance that unlocks something that’s stuck for someone. Sometimes it looks like saying, “I know exactly who you should meet,” and making that connection. (Asking permission from the other party first, of course 😉.)
Sometimes it’s showing up in their comments, sharing their offer, giving them a small visibility boost — all with zero expectation.
The “Rockstars” paradox
The bigger (or higher potential for reward) the connection is that you want to build, the more of this equity you will usually have to build over time.
If you want to connect with the people I call your network’s Rockstars — aka the people who are much further ahead, who are better connected, who can open a lot of doors — those relationships usually require more care, more patience, and more willingness to pour into that person without getting anything back right away.
Doing this is recognition that the most valuable people in your orbit are also the most in-demand, and earning their trust is a slower game. Play it anyway.
How to avoid burning out on generosity
Here’s the caveat. This part of the framework is also where, if you are not careful, you can burn yourself out.
If you’ve gotten this far without hate-reading (🤣), I could hedge a bet that you’re a natural over-giver. You want to show up, you want to help, you want to mentor and cheerlead and connect the dots for everyone everywhere. You’re okay with giving because you’re kind, not because it guarantees a personal payoff — but if you don’t keep a pulse check on your energy, you’ll wind up fried.
The key here is to give freely without an expectation of reciprocity — but also to do it with structure and boundaries, so you are not pouring from an empty cup.
Ask yourself:
- Where is it easy for me to be of resource to people?
- What kind of giving actually lights me up instead of draining me?
Those questions help reveal what I call your “networking genius.” Maybe your networking genius is connection — remembering who is looking for what and making those intros. Maybe you’re a nurturer and checking in on people is second nature. Maybe you’re a mentor and you love offering perspective in a way that helps people think differently about their situation.
Lean into what you enjoy and do naturally as your primary way of being a resource, so you can be generous without obliterating your energy.
E is for Elevation: How CARE Compounds Into Referrals and Opportunity
Elevation is where your credit in the relationship bank starts to literally elevate your reputation.
It is the compound effect of the first three pillars — the connections you’ve been intentional about, the attention you’ve given over time, the resource-driven generosity you’ve practiced. This is where all the long-game stuff pays off in a way that money cannot buy.
What does elevation look like?
- The referrals that come in from people you helped out a few months ago
- The opportunities that land in your inbox because someone thought of you when they were looking for a speaker, or a collaborator, or a podcast guest
- The rooms you are suddenly being invited into because your name has quietly become shorthand for integrity, excellence, and generosity
People generally want to help people who helped them. Elevation is that simple principle, running on autopilot, because you’ve spent enough time investing in the first three pillars that the returns start showing up without you having to ask for them.
The identity question
Big picture, elevation asks you to decide:
- What do I want my relationship reputation to be?
- How do I want to be described in rooms I am not in?
- What do I want people to say about me when my name comes up?
And then — am I actually showing up as that person?
This is where follow-through and follow-up (back in Attention) become non-negotiable. Because reliability is the ultimate form of credibility.
It is not just that you are generous once. It is that you ACTUALLY do what you say you will do, and you stay top of mind. You send the intro when you say you will. You follow up on the opportunity. You show up for people consistently enough that they can trust recommending you or bringing you into a project.
Money cannot buy this type of marketing. (And I can almost guarantee it’s where you’ll see your biggest profit margins in the long run. It cost FAR more to acquire a sale through traditional marketing than through a referral!)
How to Start Applying CARE This Week
You don’t need to overhaul your entire business to start using CARE. Here’s a simple 4-week starter:
Week 1 — Connection. Pick 5 people already in your orbit who you want to know better. Reach out with no agenda — a genuine “how are you, what are you working on, how can I support you?” message.Easy peasy.
Week 2 — Attention. Set up your relationship tracker. Doesn’t have to be fancy — a Google Sheet, a Notion database, a Google Doc. Start it with the 5 people from Week 1. Block 60 minutes in your calendar for your first weekly generosity hour.
Week 3 — Resources. Identify your networking genius (reread the Resources section if you need help). Then this week, give three people something from that genius — an intro, a piece of feedback, a visibility share, a resource. No expectations here!
Week 4 — Elevation (the hardest and the most clarifying). Write down the three words you want people to use when your name comes up in rooms you’re not in. Then honestly audit: am I living those three words in how I show up for my network?
Repeat weekly. Then add the monthly, quarterly, and annual rhythms over time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Let’s get into this!
How is relationship marketing different from networking?
Traditional networking treats every new person as a potential customer, referral, or lead and optimizes for speed. Relationship marketing treats every new person as a relationship first and trusts that business outcomes (referrals, collaborations, clients) will follow over the long game.
Does the CARE framework only work for women entrepreneurs?
No — the framework itself is gender-neutral. It’s emphasized for women entrepreneurs because women tend to build businesses on trust-based revenue and naturally resist transactional networking, so the long-game approach tends to fit their instincts better.
How long until I see results from relationship marketing?
Most meaningful returns take at least 6-12 months of consistent CARE activity before they compound into obvious revenue. The paradox is that the people most willing to play the long game often find traction sooner — but expecting quick results will undermine the approach.
What if I’m naturally introverted?
Relationship marketing suits introverts better than traditional networking because it doesn’t require walking into a room cold and pitching yourself. It prizes depth over breadth, which is an introvert’s natural strength. The weekly generosity hour can be done entirely over DM or email.
How do I track relationships without making it feel transactional?
Use a simple relationship tracker (Google Sheet or similar) to remember what people are working on and the last time you connected — not to grade their value to you. The tracker is about your memory, not their utility.
What’s the biggest mistake women entrepreneurs make when networking?
Disappearing after the initial conversation. Attention — the “A” in CARE — is where most networking breaks down. Showing up once and then going silent breaks trust faster than not showing up at all.
Is it ever okay to ask for something from my network?
Absolutely. The mistake isn’t asking. The mistake is asking before you’ve deposited anything into the relationship bank. Lead with generosity first, long enough that asking feels like a natural part of an ongoing exchange, not a transactional ambush.
The CARE Framework, at a Glance
| Pillar | Purpose | Practical habit |
|---|---|---|
| Connection | Initiate relationships rooted in curiosity, not transaction | Ask “how can I help you?” before “how can you help me?” |
| Attention | Stay attuned to your people long-term | Weekly outreach hour, monthly follow-ups, quarterly personal outreach, annual audit |
| Resources | Give generously without expectation | Share insight, intros, visibility — aligned with your networking genius |
| Elevation | The compound return of the first three | Referrals, opportunities, rooms, reputation that money can’t buy |
That’s it. Four pillars. One goal: relationships that are cleaner, more grounded, and more mutually expansive than anything “networking” taught you was possible.
If This Is How You Want to Build a Business
If you’re reading this and thinking, “okay, this is how I want to build relationships, but I don’t really have the rooms or the people yet” — that’s exactly why I built The Visionaries Collective.
The Collective is a community of women entrepreneurs who operate on these exact relationship principles. People who lead with generosity. People who show up fully. People who are willing to play the long game together — because we all know the truth:
You can do anything — but you were never meant to do everything alone 💛
